Chocolate Covered Kyle and Sugar Plum Cakes
by MegumiAoi
Summary: It's every kid's dream to get one of those fancy golden tickets and get to tour the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Especially Cartman's. So he jacks the place. Hehe. STYLE? K2? CARTMAN FATASS? Suckass summary. Just read it.
1. Factory of Dreams

**Disclaimer**: Look. I'm going to be dead serious with you. I don't own South Park. Never will.

**Chapter 1: Factory of Dreams**

My mouth gaped open, hardly believing what I saw towering above me. "Fucking Fatass did it guys." Turning to face Stan and Kenny, my best friends in the world; I blinked rapidly at them. I honestly thought this was a dream. Maybe even a nightmare.

After all, it was Cartman who jacked the place. Who knows what laid in wait for us in there? Rabid monkeys, starved for days, which wanted to eat our flesh? I wouldn't put it past him. Seriously, he did shit like this all the time. But this? This was just insane.

How could one man manage to sneak past all the security and wipe out everyone inside? I think he said he was hiding them somewhere, so we only had the place for a day, but still, better than nothing. Not that I trusted him or anything.

I was still cautious when coming here though; almost burning the invitation the second Mom brought it up to my room.

"Yep. Wow." Was all Kenny said as he stared up at the factory in awe.

Stan? Well, he was utterly speechless. Not that I blamed him for it. I almost couldn't say anything either. Well, at least until the Fatass came and unlocked the gates for us. Or, almost did.

"Well, well. Look what we have here. A Jew, a fag, and a whore." He said, pacing the gates slowly, examining each one of us with his eyes. A look that made me feel like gagging. "Hey Kahl, don't you agree that, since I own this place, that I should keep out things that risk contaminating my precious chocolate?"

Glaring at him, I punched a metal bar weakly, fearing I'd hurt myself, but hard enough to get my point across. "Look Fatass. It isn't yours. Besides, what's a host doing sending out invitations if he isn't going to pay up in the end? Let us in."

"Ohoho, I sent you invitations? Must have been my receptionist, Shelly. She usually sends out invitations just so I can turn them down when they arrive and I tell them they were fake. Funny, huh?"

The fat bastard laughed mockingly at us, smirking deviously as he pushed the key through the hole, twisting it; so. Very. Slowly. It was agonizing. "But, since I'm a nice, honorable guy, I'm going to let you three in for the day. Don't forget to thank me."

I was going to comment on how much of a discriminating bastard he was, and how he should just burn in a pit of flames for an eternity; but I wasn't that much of an idiot as to blow our chances of getting into the Factory of our dreams.

I care for Kenny and Stan; how could I do that to the both of them? What kind of best friend I would be.


	2. And the trouble comes from afar

**Chapter 2: And the trouble comes from afar**

Whoa.

Just whoa. This was all just too much to take in all at once.

The red velvet carpet, the intoxicating aroma of sweet, delicious chocolate… actually, I think Cartman invited me here in particularly, to torture me the all the beautiful smells that I could never taste. Because I was diabetic. That asstard.

Cursing silently under my breath, I turned to face Stan, whose hand was on my shoulder. "Dude, you ok?"

"Yeah, just fine. Can you believe this?" My eyes quickly scanned the room of which we were currently standing in. It was only the main entrance, but it seemed as though Cartman had done some _decorating_, in the short time he owned it.

Portraits of nude woman—fuck; my Mom would kill me if she saw this—one every two feet or something. Kenny was obviously excited over this. Pretending to grope the breasts of every single one of them.

'_Pervert._' I thought, shrugging it off as I sped down the hallway, trying to remove the disgusting images that made their way into my head as I accidently caught myself looking at one of the paintings as I was walking. Fuck Cartman. Why did he put them everywhere? It's just sick. Then again, I already knew he was a dirty pig. I knew him for the past fifteen years. Since we were babies.

"Come on guys; let's just get out of here." I spoke up, as my hand gripped onto the handle of the very large door. Did it really even need to be that big?

"Oh, the Jew can't stand the bodies of naked woman can he? Just the thought of touching another woman must have you crying for mercy. You fag." He taunted, approaching me rather quickly, his hand smashing into the door behind me, his other hand crawling up my leg.

"Fuck dude, don't touch me!" Pushing him off, I went ahead of the group without permission and shut the door behind me, Stan and Kenny calling me from behind asking to wait up or something; and Cartman saying something ridiculous about how gay I am. Fatass thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants to me, doesn't he? Well, let me say something about that. I ain't going to let him.


	3. Intoxication?

**Chapter 3: Intoxication?**

I think I had been walking for half an hour now. Or was it ten minutes? Oh, I forget.

Lalala~

…Staring down at my hands, I noticed a large glob of chocolate, dripping out from my fingers. Crap, had I been eating sweets? I think I must have. I never felt… so… so high before. I knew I was diabetic and shouldn't be doing this, but I never tasted anything so delicious before! Screw diabetes. If I was going to die anyways, why can't it be off of something so sweet and savory? Something like candy?

So, completely pushing my restraint aside, I skipped merrily down a meadow of gigantic lollipops until I found a huge, cherry flavored one, I think, and plucked it from the ground.

This close from unwrapping it, I jump back in surprise when I felt something touch me from behind.

Kenny? Where was Stan? Why wasn't he here?

"Dude, Kyle, you're going to kill yourself. You know what eating that will do to you. Now be a good boy and give it here."

Frowning at him, I held tightly onto it for a second, not wanting to let go for a moment, but I knew he was right, and turned it over to him.

"Good Kyle." He patted me on my head like I was some child that had just done something worth being proud of, like not stealing a cookie out of the jar until after dinner. Gosh, it was almost embarrassing. "Now you promise to behave yourself from now on?" Kenny smirked his usual sexy smirk, winking at me.

"Yeah, yeah." I replied childishly, looking down apologetically to add to the illusion.

"`Kay. Now let's get out of here. Stan's worried sick you know? `Fraid you got yourself into trouble. And no, don't worry, I won't tell him about this, alright?" Ken held out his pinky, expecting me to shake back or something. And when I didn't, he shrugged, unzipping his orange parka. "Dude, who knew it would be this hot in here? Come on, you should take off your hat. I'll even hold it for you."

And without my permission, Kenny snatched my precious green cap from off of my head and hid it in the pocket of his parka. "Don't worry, I'll give it back to you before we leave." He said, reassuring me. "Now come on. We spent enough time here." He held out his hand, still treating me like some helpless child, expecting me to take it or something. So I kindly refused by shoving his hand out of the way.

Ken just sighed, and I followed after. Or… I tried too. I collapsed mid-step, falling into the arms of someone behind me. But who was behind me? Anyways… I knew now that the chocolate I drank from that waterfall or something wasn't just chocolate.


	4. Seperated by bubblegum!

**Chapter 4: Separated… by bubblegum?**

It felt like I had just passed out for an hour or something. My head throbbed loudly as my eyes started opening, still feeling rather fatigued.

Yawning awake, I almost leaped up as I caught sight of who I was with.

"Craig!" I yelled, inching away from him slowly, my back against some tree. And it was a crunchy tree that made this cracking sound if you pressed hardly enough on it… Wait, something was in it! Dude, is that caramel! Retracting my hand away from the sticky substance, I wiped it off on my jeans, which didn't really fix anything… except make me really messy.

"Lucky I caught you when I did. That could have hurt." He said in a monotone voice, brushing off his pants as he stood up. "Now that you're awake, I should get going. Bye."

"Wait!" I called after him as I rose to my feet as well. "Why are you here?"

Craig shrugged and sighed lazily, looking off into the distance. "I don't know. Just got one of these weird ass ticket things," He pulled a golden card out from his pocket with two fingers, letting me get a close look at it before hiding it in his coat again. "Tweek said he wanted to check it out. And by the way, that's where Kenny is. Looking for him."

I narrowed my eyes. Cartman invited them here too? "How long have I been out for?" I wondered, still feeling slightly lightheaded.

"Two hours." He responded.

"Two hours!" I gasped, repeating what he said. Had the chocolate really have had such a strong effect on me? "Is there anyone else here, by chance?"

He nodded. "Token and Clyde. Not sure who else he invited. But that's who I and Tweek came with."

I frowned.

"Yeah. I've been playing it cool for the past… seven hours – that's minus the two you spent passed out. That's it. Apparently this place is rigged with traps. _And_, to top it off, Cartman won't let us out."

Ok, this was getting outrageous. Seven hours? Or… would it be nine? Moses, this dude honestly doesn't have anything better to do with himself if he can waste two hours doing absolutely nothing. Well, that's if… he really wasn't doing anything? Could he have been? ... No, he's _Craig_. The most boring person in the universe. Plus, he's an ass. At least he's not like the fattest ass of all, but his attitude just pisses me off.

"Seriously? What have you been doing all this time?"

"Dunno. Walking, I suppose."

Hissing silently, I arched my back as I heard a voice call out, "Craig! Oh, Kyle, you're awake!" _Kenny_.

"Find him?" Craig said, both hands in his pockets.

"Yeah." Ken laughed, tilting his head backwards with a shrug. "You won't believe where I found him. _…Actually_, you might." He corrected himself, a wide grin plastered on his face. "Come on."

"Wait, you don't have him with you?" He walked up to Kenny and sighed, passing by me completely.

"Nope. Thought it'd be better leaving him there for a bit. Now if only he doesn't run off…"

"Whatever, where is he?"

"Right this way. Oh, and Kyle, you don't need to act so lost. You can come with."

Biting my lip lightly, I turned away from the duo. "Nah, I'll catch up later. You two go on ahead."

"Really? Well, don't get into any trouble, `Kay?"

"`Kay." I waved at Kenny, watching him and Craig stroll further away having somewhat of a conversation. I really didn't understand how Kenny could put up with him. But it's not any of my business then again. I guess Craig could be a chill type of guy if you got to know him. Maybe.

The previous feeling to fill myself with enormous amounts of sweets had been replaced by a simple sense of anxiety. _'Was it really the smartest idea to head off on my own? I don't even know where I am for Moses' sake.'_

Shaking the feeling off, I continued heading forward. Or, at least until I was interrupted by a loud rumbling and my legs begun to wobble, losing my balance.

_"Get out of my factory you pesky children!" _

The fuck? Was that an intercom? Never-mind that, what the hell was going on! I don't think that was Cartman, or even anybody else I knew. But what troubled me more was that, when I looked over my shoulder to the right, I didn't see a pretty little wall, no, what I saw was a pink, sticky looking substance dribbling through what used to be one.

"Fuck!" I shouted, running away from it. I was lucky it wasn't anywhere near me, but I was certain it wouldn't be long. "Kenny, Craig!" Also positive they couldn't hear me, I looked back to see if I could find them. And I was right, I couldn't. Damn.

Luck blew in my direction as I saw a small door straight ahead. Not sure where exactly it led, I entered without knowing what was waiting inside.

Is that Wendy? … And, dare I say it? Cartman? But what surprised me more was what they were doing…


End file.
